You Don’t Give A Shit About Flat Abs, I’ll Prove It!

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You might think you really, really want a six pack or flat abs. I’ll bet you’ve even tried your fair share of “Flat Tummy Diet” plans or “Six Moves to Six Pack Abs” workouts.
But, I’m about to drop a truth bomb on you.
You don’t give a shit about flat abs.
Don’t believe me? Then here—I’ll wave my magic wand, say Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo and give you the flat abs you want.
But, there’s a catch!
It’s gonna cost you.
Oh, you thought my fairy godmother services were free? Aw, that’s cute.
Don’t worry, you can put your wallet back into your pocket or purse. It’s not going to cost you money. It’s going to cost you your relationships, favorite foods, fun, hobbies, passions, happiness and maybe even your health and sanity.

From here on out, no social outings that involve food (and, sweetums, that’s pretty much all of ’em). Ught-uh, I don’t want to hear any back-talking. You know abs are made in the kitchen, right? That means no potlucks or backyard BBQs with friends. In fact, go ahead and text your peeps right now to let them know you can’t make trivia night Tuesdays or birthday parties anymore—indefinitely. Going forward, you’ll be spending a lot of time alone.

You said your favorite foods are pizza and ice cream? Well, they’re off limits now. It’s steamed broccoli and boiled chicken for you. For-ev-er! (Sandlot anyone? Bueller? Bueller?)

Also, no more beer, wine or fruity cocktails. I don’t care if it’s your 21st birthday or your 10 year anniversary. No drinking! Don’t get cheeky with me—you know what I mean.

Thanksgiving dinner? Haha, you’re funny. You can forget about it. Oh, alright, because I’m such a nice person you can go this one time but you can’t eat anything. Take your broccoli and chicken in a Tupperware container and be thankful for that.

Oh and, spoiler alert, nothing else in your life is gonna change.
That fierce confidence, self-love, joy, happiness, love, acceptance and success you thought were waiting for you at the end of the flat ab rainbow. Um, yeah, that’s all a bunch of B.S. The only things that might be waiting for you are a slew of nasty side effects. Don’t worry, I’ll say this part super fast and put it in teeny tiny text so you can barely hear or read it.

Side effects may include: boredom, loneliness, unhappiness, food obsession, disordered eating, exercise addiction, anxiety, self-loathing, body-hatred, hangriness, binge eating, amenorrhea, low sex-drive, crankiness, chronic fatigue and digestion problems.

“Hold the phone!”, you yell. “Put away your damn wand, take your flat abs and get the hell away from me! Good day and good riddance! And *cough* don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out *cough*.”

Aha!

I knew it! You don’t really give a shit about flat abs. Not if they aren’t the magic answer to all your problems and not if they come at the cost of your whole-istic (emotional, mental, relational, spiritual and physical) health and well-being and all of the things you truly value in this life like:

Friendships. Family. Fun. Your happiness. Having a social and love life. Being adventurous and free. Enjoying hobbies. Eating good, delicious foods with great company. Toasting to special occasions with champagne and cheesecake. Going all out during the holidays—I’m talking reindeer antlers on your car, Santa Claus undies on your bum and an eggnog mustache on your face.
Those things are much more important to you (and your health!) than flat abs.

So, if in your pursuit of flat abs or the “perfect body”, you’re missing out on life, love and happiness, and sacrificing your mental, emotional, relational (and even physical) health, then it’s not worth it.

Forget about the six pack/flat abs and start focusing on and pursuing all those things, people, experiences, goals and dreams in life that truly matter to you. They’ve got nothing to do with the definition of your abs.


Alicia

To putting the 'life' back into your healthy lifestyle!

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